What I See When I Look at Me

 

(Originally Posted 9/26/2011)

In keeping with the daily theme of Curvy Chicks Rule, I wanted to present a female perspective. Well, it’s actually MY perspective and I don’t know if other women would feel the same way about themselves as I do, but here goes…

This woman is pretty indicative of my body type and size, though we resemble each other in no other way, lol. More’s the pity…

So why am I using a photo of a blonde woman that I poached from lifebegins63‘s blog? Because I don’t have the camera and lighting equpiment to compose such a nice picture . And because (trust me on this one) I look much better with my clothes ON.

So what’s my point?

YOU see a hella-sexy, beautiful woman with curves. If this photo was really me, what I would see is something entirely different.

I see scars that I can’t get rid of no matter how many surgeries I have.

I see my jiggly arm fat and cellulite ass.

I see hair that used to be thick and lush but is now thinner and slowly turning gray.

I see thighs and hips that will not slim down without the word “lipo-suction”.

I see breasts that…aw hell, it’s too depressing.

So how is it that I can look at THIS woman, Claire is her name, and think “Wow! She’s GORGEOUS! And what a beautiful figure!” but not see any of that when I see myself?

And how is that all of you men will say “We don’t notice that stuff. If we do, we don’t care that much about it, so why are you so hung up on it?” and I don’t believe you?

This isn’t a self-esteem issue (is it?), or a ploy to gain your compliments. I know that I am more than just my individual body parts and that the total package is fairly decent. I don’t believe that a few scars and some extra weight make me unworthy or unloveable or even unattractive. This is about questions that women have been asking themselves for YEARS and I want the answers, dammit!

1. Why are we programmed to be so damn hard on ourselves?

2. How can we break this cycle?

3. How much does a good boob job cost?

Insights from both genders are encouraged!