Awake

I can’t sleep. My mind is awake and more importantly, my body is WIDE awake.

And it’s HIS fault.

I keep replaying the other night in my head and the details are foggy, but some are so clear that it’s a bit scary, really. Not scary like ‘frightening’, but scary as in ‘why can’t I shake this feeling’?

I remember being on the pier, almost falling on my ass. I remember him wrapping me in a towel (my favorite one- the big one), and I remember looking up at him and wanting to kiss him.

I don’t kiss married men.

But all of a sudden he went from ‘handsome’ to fucking sexy. Maybe it was that protective ‘arms around me/broad shoulders/nice chest/tall as a tree’ thing? So next thing I know, we’re in the bathroom and I’m naked and feasting on his neck like it’s a steak and 2 sides and I haven’t eaten in a week.

And I remember him just feeling and tasting amazing. It was like he was this perfect wall of goodness and I just wanted to sink myself into him. I remember him saying he wouldn’t get in the shower with me because if he did, he’d end up ‘fucking me into next week’, which I found oddly sexy. I don’t fuck married men so it wouldn’t have been an issue anyway, but still. Two wet, slippery people in that teeny, tiny space?

What I recall next, what sticks out in my head, is that he stood outside of the shower watching me. And this seems odd to me for many reasons.

1. Why would I leave the shower door open? That seems stupid considering we have that cheap laminate tile.
2. Why would he just STAND THERE staring at me? I probably looked awful. Was he trying for figure out wtf he was looking at? I haven’t gotten waxed in FOREVER. How embarrassing. But I hadn’t exactly planned on this and it’s not like anyone else has been staring at my chooch.
3. Could he possibly have been…enthralled? Aroused? I didn’t look. I was too embarrassed, but not enough to ask him to leave. I wanted him to stay. I wanted to think he was looking at me like I was this amazing, beautiful being and that he couldn’t believe that I was standing here, letting him see me naked. But in retrospect, idk.

Anyway, eventually he left, but then he came back in and pointed at his neck. I took that to mean that I he wanted to me nibble on it a bit more, which I was only thrilled to do. Fuck, that man is tasty! I don’t think he has any clue as to exactly how much of a turn on he is.

So he leaves again and it’s a good thing he didn’t come back because I had to take care of business. Earlier that night he had said something about wanting to hear what his name sounded like in another woman’s voice. Yeah. If he had come back one more time, he’d have heard it loud and clear.

This is where it gets really foggy. I’m actually not sure if I dreamt this part. I get out of the shower and for some reason, go to HIS shower. This does not seem like something I would do because I’d be too afraid he’d yell at me to gtfo. But he didn’t, as I recall. All I remember is that he looks really good naked and what they say about men with big hands is true.

So then I go his BEDROOM. I didn’t dream this part because I woke up there. Still seems weird for me though. At least I was wearing a towel and didn’t jump in there bare ass naked. I remember him saying ‘Do you want me to spoon you?’ And I said yes and I felt him wrapped around me again and it was like my whole body relaxed.

Next thing I know, it’s morning and he’s gone and I’m late getting to class. Now it’s the next day and he’s headed home and I’m a fucking mess because he’s been an asshole for the last 20-odd hours.

My head is a mess because I feel like we totally fucked up the beginning of what might have been a really cool friendship. My body is a mess because…well…yeah.

But that might be another post. I’ll have to sleep on it.