Awake, Part Deux

Fuck.

Not literally, Lord knows that ain’t happening.

I can’t get this fucker and that night out of my head. I’ve been playing the ‘what if’ game and these scenarios end up going nowhere, but they’re pretty fun while they last. Granted, they’re all predicated on the premise that he’s not married and are therefore completely moot, but still…

1. What if he DID come into the shower? It’s a small shower. The only way it would work is if I wrapped my legs around his waist or we were standing up. Enter reality: He’s 8ft tall. Standing up is not feasible because he’d still have to lift me off the ground. Being wrapped around his waist would be HOT. AS. FUCK because I get exposure to that neck…
2. What if I had just dropped to my knees while we were standing there? Would he have let me do my thing, or would he have walked out? Honestly? If he had let me? I might have broken my rule about messing with married men. It was bad enough that things went as far as they did, but with him? I might have gone just that little bit further. Not all the way, for obvious reasons, but just that little bit. Or in his case, a Big Bit 😂.
3. What if he had been driven crazy with desire, flung me over his shoulder, tossed me on the bed like a rag doll, and fucked me like I stole his last shotgun shell? Damn. Just…damn.
4. What if nothing happened. What if we went upstairs and I went my way and he went his way, maybe with a longing glance or two, and left things with a, ‘what could have been’? I bet we’d have a great, flirty friendship right now. We’d be laughing it up every time we saw one another and maybe texting once in a while when he’s out of town on business, just to shoot the shit. Maybe he’d get in on SMAS- he seems to have good taste in music. That reminds me- when we were in his truck, he played this song that I hadn’t heard in a while and I actually had some of the words tatted on my rib cage. They remind me of Keeks- it’s my homage to him. When it came on, I actually got a bit teary-eyed. This would have been the best case scenario.

Here’s the thing: I don’t believe in mediocre sex. So why waste my next opportunity on some bullshit milquetoast, Tuesday night special? I’m holding out for the Real Deal. It’s been what, three years? BFD. I’d rather wait than have lousy sex for the sake of a bland orgasm with some anonymous Joe that I’ll never see again, or worse yet, I HAVE to see again because the fucker won’t leave me alone. The minutiae involved in finding THE ONE is so daunting, never mind that I’m scared as shit to even venture out there.

THAT GUY seemed easy in comparison, but he was mature. He was willing to wait and get to know me until I felt safe, until I wasn’t afraid he’d hurt me. It took 4 months of constant communication before we even met in person- what guy is going to be that patient anymore? Throw in the prospect of being videotaped and put on the inter webs, and it’s not just about being assaulted anymore.

But he could have been THE ONE. If he weren’t married, this one could have been THE ONE. He has what it takes- I can feel it. That boy knows what’s up. the best part is that we’d be joking around and we’d have FUN. He lives out of town, he has a life and a job and wouldn’t be up my ass all the time. He’d respect my situation and wouldn’t ask more than I could give. The only catch would be that eventually, some hot, young thing would come along and want to woo him away and I’d have no choice but to let him go. Guys like that don’t stay single for long. Plus we have friends in common, so it could get sticky. But this is all predicated on him being single, right? So it’s moot.

But in Gourmet Chocolate Dildo Town, I get to set the rules and in my Town I’m the Mayor, and he’s single 😂.

And I get to climb that tree and hit every branch on the way down.

As many times as I want.