One Down, Two to Go…

So, no ‘mo Joe.

Big surprise, he could not keep my interest. I tried, I honestly did. I mean, the guy looked like George Clooney and Henry Rollins morphed into one person who then had sex with Angelina Jolie, who then bore a son who grew up to be this guy. It was almost shameful, how hot this guy was. And he actually wanted to fuck me- can you believe it?

But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to even meet him in person. I don’t know if I was too afraid that he’d reject me once he saw me in person, or if it was just that fear of feeling pressured to do something. He’s intimidating. He’s HUGE. Like, 6’5, works-out-every-day-muscles-the-size-of-grapefruits huge. That’s intimidating to me. THAT GUY is 6’2 and works out maybe 5 days a week. For an older guy, he’s in fantastic shape but he never felt scary to me, even when he has me pinned to the bed. Marlboro Man is tall and big and manly and has shoulders like a linebacker but he doesn’t scare me. Shit- he shoots guns and probably has a weapon of some sort on him at any given moment and he doesn’t scare me.

Wait. Actually, now that I think about it…Marlboro Man does scare me a little. But that’s another post.

It was rather unceremonious, as these things tend to be. He kept asking when we could meet, I kept saying that I had this match or that thing going on, which was true. I’m in the midst of closing the shop, so it’s not like I have a ton of time, right? Finally I said, “Hey- this just isn’t a good time for me to be looking for a new situation.” He was cool about it- no arguments or asshole attitude. Just, “I get it. Good luck and let me know if anything changes. You’re hot. Maybe we can hook up sometime in the future.” Obviously I didn’t tell him that I was closing my business- it would be too easy for him to locate me.

So now we’re down to Mike and John. I think John is the front-runner, he seems more level headed. Mike is more a playboy and while I like that fun attitude, he also is more likely to want more than one partner and that’s not in my playbook. I can’t exactly demand that my FwB not have other partners, especially since I’m not at their disposal like a girlfriend would be. They may only see me one or twice a month and even then, there are no sleepovers or holidays. It’s not fair for me to ask them to be ‘exclusive’. THAT GUY didn’t really have an issue with it because there was THAT GIRL and she lived 7 hours away. It was like a rotisserie of relationships and it was the ideal situation for everyone involved. Hell, I got the best of him and she got the rest of him. Worked perfectly as far as I was concerned, until he fucked it up. All she wanted was someone to take to family dinners and work functions anyway 😂.

So, Wise Readers…I guess we’ll have to see where this journey takes me. I still have to get over the fear and intimidation. I know it’s a built-in safeguard and I’m thankful for it. It’s a way of telling me to be cautious and smart.

But maybe there is such a thing as being too scared. It’s a lot like trying a new hobby: Sometimes you just need to take a leap of faith. Where would I be now if I hadn’t clicked on that ad for Babes with Bullets? I’d have never met Blondie and Utah and The Bear. I wouldn’t be an NRA instructor, I wouldn’t be competing in 3-Gun matches and having so much fun meeting new people.

I also wouldn’t be dreaming about the Marlboro Man.

Sigh. Sometimes, taking a leap of faith can land you in a pile of shit.