And Then There Was One.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Not John.

Not John, who?

Not John the lawyer, because he totally went weird on me and now we aren’t talking anymore.

We were doing fine… I even gave him my real phone number- can you believe it?? Things were good. He was a bit heavy with the come-ons, but ok, I tried to lean into it. He wasn’t gross about it. We talked about our kids- I kept things in more general terms, while he was a bit more open about his son and some of the behavioral issues he had after the divorce, as well as the terms of the divorce which seemed pretty standard stuff- nothing to be concerned about. The ex lives far enough away to not be an issue…that sort of thing.

My schedule has been pretty hectic these past few weeks- much of the same stuff as always…shop closing, trying to keep up with matches and practice, family stuff, etc., all while juggling doctors appointments and the minutiae of everyday life. He seemed to get annoyed that I didn’t have time to devote to texting and constant flirting. He’s an attorney- where the hell is he getting all this time?? He explained that since he has full custody, he arranged his work schedule to be more accommodating so that his kids are a priority. Makes sense. And while they are in school, he gets a lot done, plus he has a bevy of paralegals who do most of the work. Ok- I get it. But, damn- how much free time can one person have? Apparently I was not as accessible as he would like, so he blew me off ever-so-politely.

Ok 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I’m not sure what he thought I’d do, but it really wasn’t that big of a deal to me. He was supposed to call me the night before ( it would have been our first actual phone conversation), but he didn’t. I’m guessing he found someone else he preferred and this was his escape hatch. I feel like I should be upset, but I’m not. I’m actually kind of relieved, if I’m being honest. I felt a bit pressured and you know how I feel about that.

I’m like chipmunk on the sidewalk- if you try and feed me a snack, I’ll freeze and stare at you until you’re not sure if I’m real, or a lawn ornament. And once I’m sure you’re not going to throw me in a sack and have me stuffed and mounted onto your wall, I’ll approach you slowly, sniff you gently, and probably nibble your neck.

I have a thing for necks. Ask Marlboro Man.

Anyhoo…Eventually I might let you hug me but if you squeeze me even the slightest bit too tight, I’ll sink my teeth into your jugular and run home screaming with your blood on my fur.

Well, a bite to the jugular hurts less than getting waxed, I can tell you that much.

He got off easy, if you ask me.