We All Love You. Now Shut Up.

Blondie is driving me insane.

I swear, I have never met a more needlessly insecure person in my lifetime. It’s as if that woman requires validation 24/7, or she will shrivel into a mass of quivering doubt. And the kicker?

THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR IT.

She’s legit an amazing person. She’s funny and smart and beautiful and loyal as fuck. That woman will go to the ends of the earth for people she loves. She works harder than anyone I know. She’s kind and gracious and enthusiastic and I could go on and on…

So what the fuck?

According to her, she feels like we’re not ‘on the same level’ because I’m ‘skinny’, I’ve traveled and have more education, and I owned my own business, blah, blah, blah. The thing is, the people she holds in the highest esteem? The ones who matter the most to her (i.e., the BWB crowd), don’t give a hairy ballsack about any of that stuff. My finances, education, business acumen, none of that shit mean anything to them. There’s no comparison in their eyes- she wins, hands down. Plus, I’m not competing with her when it comes to them, I know when to stay in my lane. But for some reason, she has this fear that the BWB folks, her boyfriend, her best friend, etc., will somehow magically like ME better than HER.

Yeah. I think we’ve established the validity of that theory 😂.

In my eyes, there are no ‘levels’. We balance one another out. What I lack, she has in spades, and vice versa. Her best friend seems to think she aspires to be me. Listen- That woman has seen me as a pile of sorry-ass goo. She knows my flaws, my deepest insecurities…how on earth she envies me is beyond comprehension.

So the next question is how do I get her to understand this?

I have been ooohing and ahhhing every cookie and cake and recipe she shoves in my face as she prepares for the Gun Games (she’s the official Chef, a position I envy because that’s the kind of stuff I love to do). I constantly reassured her that she’s doing a great job at the shop and have even publicly praised her on FB many times. I want her to see herself through my eyes.

I understand that we are all a product of our upbringing. She wasn’t really given any positive reinforcement as a child- neither was I. But my need for approval just manifested in a different way (but that’s another post. Hint: it rhymes with Schmaddy Fissues). I got over my need for validation when I realized that in order to obtain it, people needed to understand me or get to know me and I didn’t really want that.

My Ethos became ‘I already know what I’m worth. You just need to show me that you value me’.

This was the lesson. THAT GUY failed to learn.

But I digress…

Blondie is quite a bit younger than I am and I can only hope that she catches on to the Ethos sooner, rather than later. It’s not something I can force upon her, but this is one area I definitely DO have her beat.

If you keep asking people to pat you on the head, they will. But eventually it just makes you smaller and smaller. Stand tall and they’ll see you. If they don’t? You’re still exactly where you need to be and eventually they won’t be able to take their eyes off you.