Lessons Learned the Hard Way

You know, I shouldn’t be surprised.

I’ve been thinking about THAT GUY a lot lately, probably because I’m feeling especially lonely these days. I find myself wanting to call him on my way home like I used to, but I catch myself before I do. It’s not hard- all I have to do is remind myself that he deserted me.

It sounds overly dramatic, I know. But at heart, that’s what happened. I went through one of the toughest times of my life and he was nowhere to be found.

Eight days. It was EIGHT DAYS before I heard from him. Eight days after I locked the doors. Eight days of a depression so deep that nothing could have helped, really. But not hearing from him certainly compounded things.

We were supposed to be friends. He was supposedly one of my best friends. He was the one I called when I was happy, sad, angry…

So where was he? I have no idea. And frankly, I’m not sure it matters. After 8 days, I received a text that read, “How, the shooting, Tex?”. Nothing about “Are you hanging in there? Anything I can do? Need a hug?”

Look, he’s never been the most aware or compassionate guy in the world- we know this. I thought perhaps he had changed after our hiatus- at least he seemed to have. When Thing One left for college and I texted him sad and emotionally depleted, he actually offered to meet me and stay the night- something he had never offered to do before. I was shocked, and to be honest, I felt…seen. Finally- he GOT IT. He understood what I needed and was willing to give it to me without my asking for it.

I told him as much- that I was so grateful that he was willing to do this for me. That I understood that it was a sacrifice for him and that it was a HUGE step and I thanked him with all my heart. I also told him that it wasn’t necessary. Instead, he could meet me early in the morning and curl up with me, but I made sure he knew that I recognized his effort.

What I forgot is that THAT GUY is a ‘just enough’ kind of guy, which is to say that he will do just enough to appease me and then go right back to being the same guy he’s always been. And I let him get away with it in the past, so why should this time be any different? He’s nothing, if not consistent, I suppose.

So why am I so sad? Is it because I let myself once again believe that he could be the friend, the man, I needed him to be? Is it because he let me down once again and proved to be the person he’s always been? That nothing has changed?

I always say that ‘You teach people how to treat you’. I thought he finally got the memo: I will not be treated as an afterthought. I matter. My feelings matter, but seems neither one of us mastered the lesson.

So why am I the only one sitting in the corner, feeling like dunce?