Of Birds and Betrayal

Well, Blondie’s birthday came and went, and I stayed home.

I made the momentous decision to not fly to Missouri to surprise her after The Bird made it clear that I was not welcome. Sure, she worded it a bit more diplomatically, but I know her well enough to know that, “Call or text her instead to make her feel special and respected’ means, ‘We don’t want you here’.

Don’t need to tell ME twice.

But…

It seems that someone didn’t get the memo.

According to Blondie’s Facebook post this morning:

I was trying hard to fly under the radar yesterday, but I should have known that wasnt gonna happen.

Despite my best efforts, word got out. This incredible group of people surprised me with a beautiful mermaid cake and candles to blow out.

Competitive Uno and about 3 too many drinks later, a giggling slumber party in my room with [other friend] and a random guest appearance was the perfect ending.

Thank you [Boyfriend] for conspiring with The Bird, my frat house for texting me, Cowboy and Utah for giving each other the mermaid cake credit and all the others who made my day great while I got to take care of my people .

Here’s to 44!

Random guest appearance? Say what now?

Neither Boyfriend, nor our friend Specs (she wears cool glasses), have any idea who that could be. And Boyfriend ‘conspiring’ with The Bird consisted of him texting her to ask her husband to get a card and dictating what to write in it on his behalf.

Utah and Cowboy getting the cake either flew under The Bird’s radar, or she knew about it and didn’t slap them on the wrist for creating the scene that Blondie insisted she didn’t want.

Look, I KNOW Blondie. The reason she insisted she didn’t want a big deal made of it is because if she had told everyone it was her birthday and they DIDN’T make a big deal out of it, her feelings would be hurt. She goes out of her way for Her Boys and for them to not reciprocate in some fashion would really bum her out. And let’s face it- boys can be both self-centered and oblivious, so there would be a good chance that they wouldn’t have done anything without some major prodding.

My point is that The Bird shooed me away, but allowed the rest to take place. That’s both disingenuous on her part and a slap in the face to me. She tells Blondie that she has no issues with me and then pulls this crap? Whatever.

The thing is, if I were The Bird, I would have put my personal feelings aside and said, “Yes! Please come and let’s make her birthday awesome” because Blondie’s feelings are more important than mine.

This is exactly why I am NOT telling Blondie that I ever had plans to come see her. If she knew that I had a plane ticket, hotel room reserved, and car rented and canceled them because The Bird told me not to come? And then The Bird orchestrated some cake and whatnot anyway? Well…that puts Blondie in an awkward situation, doesn’t it? She’ll finally see what I’ve known all along which is that The Bird cannot be trusted.

But Blondie works for The Bird and has for 10 years. That relationship predate our friendship and in a battle of ‘who has a bigger dick’, I will lose.

Thing is, with the way Blondie has been behaving these past few months, I’m not sure it would be a total loss to get some distance.

Best case scenario is that Utah, Boyfriend or Specs tell Blondie of my thwarted plan and let her see the light on her own without me saying a word. It’ll be interesting to see how she handles it. Would she tell me that she knows, or brush it under the rug and never acknowledge it because she knows it makes The Bird look like shit and God forbid that should happen.

I thought drama ended when you hit a certain point in life, but I guess not. I need to erase this toxic bullshit. I’ve now gone two whole days without lamenting what’s-his-name (yay me!) and now I have this to bum me out.

I think I need to just start fresh with a new set of people in my life. Just walk away from everyone and start over. Total purge.

That would be nice, wouldn’t it? If you could just erase, erase, erase and be done with people?

Wait- that’s pretty much what Marlboro Man did to me and it didn’t feel too good. I don’t think I’d want to make anyone else feel that way.

But I wouldn’t mind aiming a slingshot at The Bird.